From: <info@factsofthematter.org>
Date: Wed, Sep 23, 2009 at 3:15 PM
Subject: This weeks Facts of the Matter
To: ben.ck.goh@gmail.com
Good Morning!
DADS, HERE EIGHT WAYS TO EXASPERATE YOUR CHILDREN:1
If you are a typical dad, you live with a lot of pressure in your work, and want desperately to prepare your kids for the tough realities of life. You want them to succeed. In your world of excellence, discipline, planning and perseverance, it is difficult not come down on your kids when you see them slouching toward mediocrity. Paul warns us, "Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord (Eph. 6:4)." The Greek word for exasperate is parogizo, and literally means to anger, enrage, provoke to wrath. The dictionary adds words like infuriate, madden, frustrate and annoy. So just how do we do that? Here are eight ways:
Overprotection. We smother them by overly restricting them as to what they can do. We communicate lack of trust in allowing them to do things on their own, by forever challenging their judgment, rather than trusting them. Thus we inhibit their development in learning to make intelligent decisions on their own in keeping with their age and maturity level. We fail to guide rather than control their wills. It is intriguing to me that Christ released the disciples to accomplish his will with the simple instructions found in Matthew 28:18-20. Because he had built his values into their lives, he was able to risk the possibility of their failure by leaving the details to them.
Favoritism. Isaac favored Esau over Jacob and Rebekah preferred Jacob over Esau. When parents compare one child with another the results can be devastating. The less talented one may well become discouraged, bitter, withdrawn and resentful. Tragically, they will in kind express similar favoritism among their peers. I Corinthians 12-14 speaks of different giftedness, yet all are precious in God's eyes. In the parable of the talents (Matt. 25:14-30) it is obvious that not all are equally gifted. Yet there is no hint that God plays favorites. Nor should we.
Unreasonable expectations. That is, we push our children beyond reasonable bounds. Nothing the child does measures up to our expectations. How many parents have I observed who fantasize the accomplishment their own unfulfilled dreams through their child's athletic or academic success. I remember our son Wes, striking out all three times at bat in Little League. When the game was over he jumped into the car, and I asked him, "Did you have fun?" And, "Did you give it your best shot?" His answers to both questions was "Yes." With that I said, "Hey, let's go get some ice cream!"
Withholding compliments. I remember as a 14 year old winning several contests in selling newspaper subscriptions. My father's response, "Well, the newspaper business is kind of a second rate affair." Kids can be angered by this kind of discouragement. When children are forever told what is wrong rather than what is right, they lose hope and begin to believe that they are incapable of doing anything right. Both Titus and Philemon were great encouragers: " God, who encourages those who are discouraged, encouraged us by the arrival of Titus… I myself have gained much joy and comfort from your love, my brother, because your kindness has so often refreshed the hearts of God's people (2 Cor. 7:6; Phil. 1:7)." Surely we must do the same with our children.
Rejection. We're talking here about selfish parents living for themselves, and viewing their children as an intrusion on their lives. In time the children will reciprocate that rejection, viewing their ageing parents as an intrusion on their lives. A careful study of Psalm 112 gives us a beautiful picture of children as a wonderful, integral part of the family.
Demanding an unrealistic pace. We must allow kids to develop at their normal pace. And we have to let them act like kids, which at times will appear childish to us. While writing this "Facts," I had to call my 7 year old grandson and apologize to him for coming down hard on him last night while in the car. Hey, he was just acting like a normal high energy kid!
Manipulating with love. That is, dishing out love when they perform and withholding it when they don't. The message they get is that love is conditional, based on achievement. Consider Christ's unconditional love: "God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us ( Rom. 5:8)." Christ is our standard here!
Physical and verbal abuse. Gentleness is a fruit of the spirit. How easy it is to be harsh with your children, both verbally and physically. Sarcasm and put downs, come all to easily. Love "looks for a way of being constructive (I Cor. 13:4 Phil. Trans.)." (See Pro. 22:15; 23:13 ; 29:15)
1 Key ideas adapted from The MacArthur New Testament Commentary
My prayer is that you are having a great week!
R. Dwight Hill
No comments:
Post a Comment